The birthday cake that wasn't a cake

Folks, my roommate is a quirky one and I love her for it. She owns a shirt with cats and lasers on it. She watches Twin Peaks with me. Her biggest quirk is that she doesn't like cake — which for me, is akin to not enjoy air. So for the most part, she's immune to all the goodies I bribe the rest of my housemates with. When her birthday rolled around, I had to wrack my brain to come up with something sweet (but not too sweet!) to tempt her with. The solution? Zucchini bread, disguised as cake. I opened my Martha Stewart Baking Handbook and set to work grating zucchini.

A couple things for the record:
1. Those are giant zucchini (zucchinis? zucchinum?) and a normal bowl, not a tiny bowl and normal zucchini. This is important because...
2. Those two zucchini gave me two cups of grated zucchini. If you don't have monster-size zucchini, I would use three zucchini, just to make sure you have enough.
3. Grating zucchini is awkward. Do it alone.

I grated the zucchini first so I could make the cake batter all at once. Plus, it's always good to have everything ready beforehand. On that note, I also used a mini Cuisinart to chop walnuts... but I forgot to take a picture of that, so you'll have to take my word for it.

I mixed two kinds of sugars, eggs, and vegetable oil in a big bowl to start the batter.

With that combined, I added baking powder, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, and flour, along with an eensy sprinkling of nutmeg (because nutmeg can be delicious in small quantities).

Blurry pictures are the best, right guys? Right?

After mixing these ingredients, I pretty much had the consistency of cake batter, but none of the deliciousness of zucchini bread, so then I added the zucchini and walnuts.

This isn't a cake, it's practically a salad.

I floured two cake pans and split the batter between the them. I tried to get a housemate to do a quick taste test before I popped it in the oven, and she said she didn't want to put the batter anywhere near her mouth. She'd soon change her tune, though.

I popped the cakes in the oven and let them bake for an hour and 15 minutes. They weren't quite baked through, so I left them in until I could pull a toothpick out cleanly, then let them cool on a wire rack. (Take them out of the pans when you're able to touch the pans without hurting yourself.)

Hello, gorgeous.

The whole house smelled like cinnamon wholehearted goodiness.

While I waited for the cake to cool, I mixed up some cream cheese frosting in my standing mixer: a cup of cream cheese, a cup of butter, a big splash of vanilla, a big splash of heavy whipping cream, and a few cups of powdered sugar. I can't tell you the exact amount because I basically beat the butter and cream cheese together then add powdered sugar, vanilla, and cream until it looks and tastes "right." I wanted stiffer frosting because it was going on the sides of the cake, so I went with more powdered sugar. Again, the recipe changes every time, but the basic ingredients remain the same.

I held some frosting in reserve and added black food dye to use it for decoration.

When the cake was finally cool, I put one layer on a plate and frosted the top to give the cake a frosting center.

Very, very carefully, I eased the second half of the cake on top of the frosting, trying to keep it from sliding around on top of the newly-frosted first layer.

Using a butter knife, I pushed the frosting over the edge to spread it as smoothly as possible around the sides, then filled in the top. Always start in the middle and go toward the edge when you're frosting.

When the frosting was as smooth as I thought I could make it, I took a toothpick and doodled out my design, inspired by Nedroid's Party Cat comic because a.) it's adorable b.) my roommate loves cats and c.) my roommate is always asking for a party. Boom. Done. (For moms out there: The comic is safe! Click away.)

Then I frosted over the design with the black frosting I made earlier, then used sprinkles to color in the cat's party hat. I even put little (hastily-drawn) cat paws all the way around the edge of the cake.

Et voilà! When we brought the cake out, Roomie screamed so loud I nearly dropped the cake. When we finally got her to stop jumping up and down over how cute it turned out, and then finally persuaded her to slice into the cake and chop up its adorableness, the success continued and she declared the cake delicious. (I'm not even exaggerating here for story-telling purposes. She was really overexcited about a Party Cat cake.) So there you have it, folks. Got someone in your life who doesn't like sweet things? Feed them this cake and it might just change their minds.

Also, Party Cat cake will be in your life.

P.S. Typing this up, I just realized I only put one set of whiskers on the cat. How sad! Maybe someone took off his whiskers off as a prank during a party?

Zucchini Cake or Bread
Ingredients:
2 cups grated zucchini (2 to 3 zucchini worth)
1 cup granulated sugar
1 cup packed brown sugar
1 cup vegetable oil
3 large eggs
3 cups flour
1 teaspoon salt
1.5 teaspoons baking powder
1.5 teaspoons baking soda
1 tablespoon cinnamon
1 cup chopped walnuts

To make:
1. Preheat oven to 350F, wash and grate zucchini, and chop walnuts. Set aside.
2. Mix both sugars, vegetable oil, and eggs in a large bowl.
3. Add flour, salt, baking powder, baking soda, and cinnamon and mix until thoroughly combined.
4. Add grated zucchini and chopped nuts. Stir.
5. Pour into floured or greased pans (either cake pans or bread loaf pans) and bake for about an hour and 15 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean after poking the cake.
6. Cool on a wire rack.
For the cake:
7. Mix together cream cheese frosting (1 cup cream cheese, 1 cup butter, 1 tablespoon vanilla 1 to 3 tablespoons heavy whipping cream, and about 4 cups powdered sugar).
8. Frost cake and decorate.